Location | Taipei

This is it. I’m having an anxiety attack. Complete and utter failure I am. I’m crying my little heart out for the first time ever because I’m all alone. I just feel so helpless right now. Every time I’ve gone someplace new I always had someone with me that I knew, and now, I have no one. I feel so lonely and sick. I feel terrible. There’s nothing for me to do but cry and that’s all I’m doing.

I’m scared out of my mind. I’m not the one who goes adventuring off alone. This is why I didn’t go far away from home for college. It’s so weird that I can’t stop crying. All I know is that I don’t want to go to Japan to study anymore. I just want to stay home. Stay home for the rest of my life. That’s all.

I feel so bad for crying my guts out. Seriously. I just can’t control my feelings right now. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Sure I’m independent and cut off for the most part now, but I really can’t stand this fact. I just want to be home where I’m most comfortable. I’ve only been here for about 2 hours and I already want to go home. Can you believe me? I really can’t believe it.

Ok, I’m just blubbering, I have no idea what is wrong. I feel very insecure and ripped apart. Its not a very nice feeling at all.

I don’t want to be left alone. I was watching this movie and in it there was this guy who traveled all alone and he had no one because his family had all passed away and even his wife had passed away. I don’t think I coud take being left alone like that. I can only be human and need people to be around me all the time. Frankly I just miss everyone back at home. I miss everyone like crazy.

I just can’t handle it. I kept talking about Taiwan this and Taiwan that, except I was just really afraid of it all. I don’t even want to be here anymore. I wanted to be here for like a day and then since then I’ve just wanted to go home. What is wrong with me!? I’m so messed up.

I guess I just don’t like being here.

[This entry was taken from my old blog, Away from Home. Formatting may have changed when moved to Explore!]